how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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