Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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