I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
