i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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