I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Randomize
