i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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