3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Randomize
