peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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