dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
