Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
