This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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