Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I just gift wrapped bread.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Randomize
