Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
