Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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