So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
