that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
