It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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