I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Less talking, more tequila
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
