So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
