you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
you didnt know i had herpes?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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