i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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