I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
