Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
