we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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