Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
