Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
