I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
