he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
