My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
