Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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