No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
send nudes
from the living room?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
