I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
