Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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