So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
