she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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