sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Randomize
