so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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