shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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