i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
