honey bunches of taint.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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