he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
