I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
