We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Fuck appropriateness.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
