True but thats because hes a fetus.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
