This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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