did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
