dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
