first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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