hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
