So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
