so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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