remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
