I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
