This dress was meant to end up on your floor
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
