so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
